So im in need of a good brain purge. Normally one does this on paper, and then me being the paranoid person that i am, either hide it or burn it, but currently im too lazy to a) write and b) get out of bed to find paper. But i really need to do this, so here goes.

GAH, so much stress. Between dance, school, father, carter, friends and my personal life i've just been overwhelmed. Though there isn't much physical reactions to stress my head is constantly raging on. I'm just about ready to kill my father, scream over school work, cry over a sweatshirt that i finally had to watch, and throw things because I no longer feel loved. Which sucks, its sucks mondo. Everyone in my life has these happy fucking healthy relationships and I can't seem to find one. My so called relationships are all destructive and tend to leave me worse for the wear. I want to cry when I see wall to wall fb messages, I want to stab Miranda for the most ridiculous reasons, I want to bitch my mom out for complaining, I want my bestie to be less happy which inturn makes me unhappy, I want a somewhat normal life, I want a boy somewhat better than him to come into my life, but more importantly I want him back... Which makes me feel weak and pitiful and horrible because I know its not going to happen. He's probably met someone else and is having a grand old fucking time, while I'm at home curled up in bed with his sweatshirt. Fuck you for being right about my inevitable emotional break down. Fuck you for making me feel like my escapades were so horrible. Fuck you for driving me crazy about you getting a car when u werent even paying for tuition.

I'm so angry at so many people, but I don't do anger. Instead I stay at home wrapped up in my fantasy world of my own devising. I've spent 80% of my awake hrs in the past 3 days reading fan fiction and I just can't stop myself...



I miss you. please come home to me.